There are a few things you should know about me at the beginning of this review.

1.)    I don’t like man vs. nature stories. I don’t. I never have. I’ve never made it all the way through most of the classic movies of man v. nature: The African Queen, any of the Indiana Jones movies, I haven’t even made it through Romancing the Stone and for Heaven’s sake that one is about a ROMANCE WRITER. I mean that one should be an obvious like for me right? Nope.

2.)    I don’t really like sci-fi romance. I’ve tried. Multiple times. There are some great ones out there but I can’t really get into space ships and aliens and all that.

Okay, so those two disclaimers out of the way, when I agreed to read Jenna Bennett’s Fortune’s Hero I didn’t know that what she was giving me was a sci-fi romance that involved man vs. nature as he trekked across a miserable planet to break out of prison and then break back in to get his friends.

No, all I knew was that Jenna had written it and if Jenna writes it, I’ll read it. Seriously, her Savannah Martin Mysteries is probably my favorite series of all time. I once recommended it to someone as a way to teach about southern female culture to Northerners. If they read Savannah they’ll suddenly understand the twisted freaking backgrounds we come from. So, Jenna said I have a new book, want to review. I said, sign me up oh creator of my favorite literary character.

She sent me a sci-fi man v. nature. Elsa is not Savannah. Quin is not Rafe Collier. Somehow Jenna made a couple that was even HOTTER than the ones I loved before. Rafe has been kicked out of my proverbial book boyfriend bed, given a pat on the head and told to put his fictional clothes on to make way for Captain Quin Conlan.

Seriously, I don’t like Sci-Fi or Man v Nature but today at my daughter’s swim meet they had to literally take the kindle out of my hands so that I could watch her race and the whole time I was going “but, but, can’t they postpone her race? I need to find out what happens!!!!!”

I’m sorry Savannah, you’re still my chicken fried home girl, but you’ve been replaced as my favorite Jenna character. We can still stay friends though right?

You can buy Fortune’s Hero here:

http://www.amazon.com/Fortunes-Hero-Soldiers-Fortune-ebook/dp/B00A6DBCP8/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1355840703&sr=8-4&keywords=Fortunes+Hero

or here:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fortunes-hero-jenna-bennett/1108930422?ean=9781620610770

or wherever else great ebooks are sold.

LIZ S AND HER HUSBAND’S NAUGHTY VS NICE CHRISTMAS LETTERS HAVE WON AN E-BOOK COPY OF LUCK OF THE DEVIL FROM THE ENTANGLED UNDER THE MISTLETOE BLOG HOP!

CONGRATULATIONS LIZ AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR STOPPING BY AND LEAVING ME ALL KINDS OF IDEAS FOR NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, HANNUKAH, KWANZA, FESTIVUS, ECT. TO EVERYONE!

Until recently, my family has been the modern day equivalent of gypsies. We were academics, moving from grad school to post doc research to research facility, caravanning across America in the search of truth, justice and an even better research grant.  Rarely setting down roots for more than a few years, we were proud of the fact that we could pack a house, load a U-haul and unpack the essentials at the other end in under 72 hours not including travel time.

Now though, my hubby—we’ll call him the Doctor (he really is one so this in no way connects to my fetish with all things Doctor Who. Although I will admit the fez has a million possibilities)—has found his dream job and we’ve done something I never thought would happen. We’ve settled. Like settled settled. Like plans to make improvements to the house and do stuff to the yard at some later date settled. This is (OMG) permanent settled.

That’s when Oldest (we’ll refer to her as the Doctor-To-Be and BTW how cool would a female Doctor Who be?) said “Oh goody, we can get some of those Christmas Tradition things that all the other kids talk about? I mean really I’m sure my life isn’t complete without them.”

I think she was being sarcastic. That’s not going to stop me though. Because she’s right. We’re settled now. We have a house. And space. Way too much space most of the time. I can buy knick knacks to decorate because we won’t have to box them up and move them across the country soon. We can own a tree that doesn’t look like it came from a pile that said “Rejected by Charlie Brown Please Take For Free”. I can make the children carol. Even if they don’t want to.

So this year, right after Thanksgiving I sat the family down and said “let’s come up with Christmas Traditions!” Once they were done laughing at me we started thinking of some. We don’t have many yet. Most of them are general Christmas related rules. But they’re ours. So let me know what you think.

1.)    Christmas does not begin in our house until December 8^th. Oldest has the right to a birthday that hasn’t been taken over by Christmas. (December 7^th)

2.)    Zoolights at the National Zoo has now become a part of our Christmas. This year we had to go early (Oldest has a swim meet the Saturday after her birthday) but according to the kids Zoolights is a must from now on. A nonnegotiable must. There will be trouble if they don’t get their zoolights.

3.)    Christmas Decorating Sunday (Dec. 9^th this year) will take a whole day. It will involve the following: trees, Christmas carols blaring over the computer speakers (but not the sucky old ones Mom), decorations and most importantly cookies. Lots of cookies. Most of them chocolate.

4.)    The first Christmas movie of the season will be done on Christmas Decorating Day and not a day before. We’re still working out what it will be this year—my vote is Muppet Christmas Carol, the Doctor hasn’t stated, Doctor-to-be is pushing for Elf and Baby Doctor-to-be wants the one with the reindeer and the nose (Rudolf).

5.)    Christmas Eve shall now be known as Doctor Who Christmas Special Marathon Day. We’re munching frozen pizza, eating cookies, and watching the Christmas Specials so that the next day we can feel thankful that if an alien disaster comes it’s hitting Britain first.

I have a few more things in mind for the actual day but I want to keep those a secret for now. So, what about you? Any Christmas traditions you can’t do without? Any you think I should adopt?

Tell me about one of your Christmas Traditions in the comments below and I’ll pick one commenter by random number generator and provide you with an e-copy of my debut novel Luck of the Devil in the format of your choice. Contest open internationally, no purchase necessary, blah de blah de blah.

It’s been an odd year here at Casa Eimer. We found out about this time last year that a job opportunity that my  husband thought had died before he ever got a chance at it had been resurrected and we were out here in Eastern PA for him to interview. Then it was moving, finding a new place to live, settling the whole group of us into the new house and the new life, finishing the last of both of my series (with a surprising add on of a novella that I hadn’t originally planned on) and now I’m almost at the point of looking down the barrel of not having anything in the pipeline.

Two series that I thought I had down in the plotting stages fell apart in the writing stage and have been relegated back onto the “try again” pile. I have a stack of ideas and I could start on any of them. But it’s been a crazy year and I feel like I don’t have any focus. That’s what this year has lacked for me. Focus.

I’ve wondered if I should subscribe to other people’s ideas and their dreams. I’ve debated whether or not I’m taking my career in the right direction. I’ve even debated whether this is really the career for me after meeting a few authors that I’ve realized may be more successful than me but are people I really don’t want to become. When I look back at the last 10 months I realize that it’s been filled with change and all that change has left me with is questions. Some of them big, some of them small but all of them point to the one thing I don’t have right now and that’s direction.

So my goal for the rest of the year is this. I’m going to finish what’s on my plate and I’m not taking on anything else until I have. I’m going to finish the novella I’m writing. I’m going to finish my edits. Then I’m going to take a vacation. I’m going to think about what I want and where I want to go and how I want to get there. I’m going to write out a business plan and lay down a road map. I’m going to immerse myself in writing books by people who are much smarter than me. I’m going to play around with my ideas. I’m going to deconstruct my production schedule. I’m going to tinker and fiddle and try to find the parts that aren’t working so that I can come back after the new year with a new mindset and a new drive to create and a map that will make me feel better about the journey in the end. I’m also going to come back with a new respect and appreciation for my 2013 word of the year—FOCUS.

That doesn’t mean much to anyone besides me, since well this isn’t exactly a humming blog. But I may step away from posting for a bit, just to give my mind space to move around on the page without having to post it anywhere.

So I’m working on my nano project, which is a spin off novel for my Speak of the Devil Series, and the main character has taken a turn that I never expected. In the Faith Bettincourt books she’s brash, she’s bitchy, she’s always ready with a quip. To be honest, she’s sort of one dimensional. And that dimension isn’t always nice.

Then I started working on a novella with her in mind. And I find out I was wrong about this character. This character isn’t bitchy she’s extremely vulnerable. She’s damaged in ways that I didn’t—in any way—expect and the bitchy? Well that’s how she covers up the vulnerable and keeps people at a distance. Why? Because she doesn’t want to be hurt again.

Now, I’ve found myself on a ride, trying to figure out what to do with this poor character who I’ve misunderstood from the beginning. Sometimes characters just do that to you I suppose. Or maybe that’s just me?

This is the time in November where I really don’t want to write. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch reruns and think about things like Christmas cookies. This is the nano doldrums. So, if you’re anything like me, find a way to perk yourself up today. And if it’s a good one, pass it along because otherwise I’m just going to have to go for a longer run and hope that wakes me up.

Today is election day and, like I used to tell my students when I worked for a university – Go Vote! I don’t care who you vote for but to quote Sean Penn in All the Kings Men who was paraphrasing Hughie Long – IF YOU DON’T VOTE: YOU DON’T MATTER!

If you get into Louisiana politics at all you’ll find out that Long was sort of a scuzz bag politically but he had that one idea right. If you don’t vote, then your elected representatives know that they no longer have to answer to you. You are no longer their concern even if you are their constituent because what are you going to do—not vote again?

So go out there, do your civic duty and go vote for someone already. Who you decide to stand with and cast your ballot for is your business just cast a ballot for someone today.

For those of you who aren’t in the know—today is November 1^st! The Kick off day for nano. 50,000 words to go for all the insane participants of this little challenge. Crazy has come to writer land. Hopefully I’ll see you all on the other side.

So apparently I’m writing a blog post that may never be posted. Why? Because Hurricane Sandy appears to be coming for a visit. Now you would think that people on the East Coast where I live now would be as prepared for a hurricane as people in the Southern Mid-West were for dangerous storms, tornados, snow storms and flooding. You go through your house, you make sure that you have non-perishable food (electric could go out), emergency supplies (batteries!), water, and a way to keep warm that doesn’t require electric, even if it’s piles of blankets everywhere. If you don’t have these things go out for them immediately. If you do have them run to the store anyway to make sure you have the following:

1.)    Bread

2.)    Toilet Paper (you don’t think you’ll need it but if you don’t have it…)

3.)    Non water related drinks that don’t have to be refrigerated (you can only drink so much bottled water before you need a Coke.)

4.)    More Batteries if they still have them

5.)    Reading material

6.)    Booze

Apparently that is not the way of it here. This morning at the store when I went for another loaf of bread and an extra jar of peanut butter, there were people fighting over microwave pretzels. Pizza rolls. Women fighting over the last frozen chicken. Now, how are you smart, upper middle class people going to cook a chicken in a hurricane? You aren’t going to be able to get the BBQ pit lit in all that rain. You can’t microwave anything when the power’s out. Come on now. Rushing the deli counter—that food has got to be refrigerated and let’s all say it together people that sucker runs on ELECTRICITY—is just plain dumb. Fighting over the last bag of Starbucks pre-ground is silly.

So I’m going to explain, once and for all, to any reader who might not have been raised on the bottom half of the middle class or lower how to properly deal with a weather related emergency. Brought to you by an expert raised in a mid-western trailer park.

1.)    If it must be cooked, cooled or otherwise manipulated with to be safe to eat? You Don’t Want It.

2.)    You can never have too much medical gauze or duck tape. Seriously. Stock up!

3.)    Have a plan to keep your kids entertained. Books, magazines, board games, something. There’s only so many things to do when you’re trapped inside without video games or TV.

4.)    Keep booze at the ready. There’s only so many things to do when you’re trapped inside.

5.)    Make sure to pick up birth control. There’s only so many things to do when you’re trapped inside.

In Case of an Evacuation:

1.)    Make sure your gas tank is full. Ain’t no one who makes $7.00 an hour going to stay at the gas station during an emergency evacuation so you can fill your Beemer. We will leave your rich, silly butt behind while we climb in the truck with the National Guardsman.

2.)    50lbs of knick knacks and a Uhaul full of furniture are not “essentials”. One bag per person people plus kids and pets. Have it ready and do not quibble over Great-great-great Aunt Meredith’s porcelain poodle she brought back from Paris in the 30’s. You can live without little Fritzie.

3.)    If they tell you to evacuate. DO IT. Those Guardsmen are not out there for their own personal kicks. Do what the nice man or woman who gives two weeks a year and one weekend a month says and leave already. As anyone who has ever lived through a trailer park tornado can tell you—OZ is not cool. It was Frank Baum’s satirical version of the crack den down the street where the residents came out raving about flying monkeys and crazy old witches. Crack den people. Trust me on this one.

So for those of you that don’t know, I’m a major fan/silent lurker over on this absolutely fabulous blog called The Bloggess (www.thebloggess.com) run by a hilarious woman out of Texas named Jenny Lawson. I came for the giant metal chicken and ended up sticking around.

Well a few months ago Ms. Lawson put out a book called Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Since I’m on a book buying moratorium (no more books can be bought until I have enough shelves to unpack the books I already have) I put in a request for it at the library. And I waited. 60 people ahead of me. Two months later, the book is in transit. A month later? Still in transit. They put me back on the hold list—at the bottom of the list. Two months later the  book finally comes in. I blew through it in two days. Literally, two days.

I took this book to Oldest’s swim practices and laughed out loud while the other swim mom’s all stared at me. I stopped my husband at various places in the house to read him bits. I told a waiter about it when we went out to dinner. This book is like a smarter, funnier version of my inner monologue.

I want to buy crates of this book and carry copies around with me. Then when I meet people I can ask “are we going to be seeing each other often. Yes? Well, here have a book. Consider it a primer for you to help our social interactions. It’s going to explain SOOOO much.”

I’m serious. I’ve never heard another writer talk about how much they hate dinner parties before. Or why they feel like they need to hide under tables in awkward social situations, or how they sit around with friends and figure out who would die if this were a horror movie and how it would go and the whole time I’m sitting there, reading this, and thinking OMG someone gets it. Someone really, really gets it. There’s someone else out there that gets that I’m not just neurotic to be difficult, I’m neurotic because that really is just who I am.

So, if you haven’t read Let’s Pretend This Never Happened or you haven’t been to The Bloggess, then I’m not really sure how you’ve survived so long. Anyway, go buy the book, read the book, laugh till you’re crying, and then go visit The Bloggess. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

Links to Visit:

The Bloggess:  http://thebloggess.com/

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened buy links:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/lets-pretend-this-never-happened-jenny-lawson/1106566380?ean=9780399159015

http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Pretend-This-Never-Happened/dp/0399159010