So for those of you who didn’t read last week’s post on my craft fail in relation to the toga here’s the sitch. We’ve recently moved to a new town where my Oldest was accepted into a charter school for Gifted and Talented Kids. I’d call it Nerd School but apparently they’re sensitive to that particular nickname. Don’t ask me why.
So Oldest is amongst people who have entered the teaching profession to help enhance the minds of bright young people. Unlike other school teachers who have signed on for the high pay rates, amazing benefits and luxurious working conditions of today’s public schools. Uh huh.
Anyway, I’ve noticed some slight differences between daughter’s old school menus and new school menus. At the old school they had Pizza. Here they have Chicken Caeser salad with spring vegetables. And while the other school was perfectly fine with the Twinkie I threw my daughter’s way each morning for her to have as her at school mid afternoon snack (and when did this whole lunch plus snack thing start anyway? When I was a kid you got breakfast at home, lunch and recess at school and then dinner after you’d dragged your skinny butt in from playing each night). Doritos were not frowned upon. But here? Here, Cheezits are an issue.
This week I get a phone call. “Um is this Mrs. Elmer? Ashley’s mom?” ‘
Gritting of teeth. “Yes this is Ainsley’s mom. What can I do for you.”
“This is Mrs. Administrative Assistant to the Super Smart People School. Her teacher asked that I call you and request that from now on you send nutritionally appropriate snacks for her to eat during snack time.”
“Cheezits aren’t nutritionally appropriate for snack time?”
“No Miss Eimer.”
“Actually it’s not Miss Eimer it’s, you know what never mind. What do you want me to send her if Cheezits won’t work?”
“You could consider sending nutritionally sound foods like cut vegetables or organic fruit.”
“For snack time? You want me to send her cut vegetables for snack time?”
“That would be nutritionally sound.”
“Could you clarify for me why you have snack time?”
“So that the kids don’t get hungry after lunch.”
“Right. Well if I send my kid a bunch of chopped up broccoli she’s going to find the ghetto scholarship kid in there and convince him or her to trade their Cheezits for her broccoli and a couple of bucks she will have desperately lifted from my purse.”
“Fine, fine, tomorrow I’ll send her some Jello Chocolate Pudding Snacks. They have added calcium.”
“I’m not sure that’s what the teacher had in mind. If you could—“
“Sorry I think I just heard the sounds of the coming Apocalypse. Since I’m a part time zombie slayer I think this is going to have to wait. Zombie Apocalypse and all. Don’t blink and remember your towel. ‘Kay?”
Hubby who has just stopped by our temporary apartment right next door to his office to have lunch with me and the Toddler: “I think you may be mixing your sci-fi Apocalypse metaphors.”
“Oh shut up. Did you know Cheezits and Pizza are no longer nutritionally sound food for children.”
“Really? Damn, how the hell did we manage to make it to functioning adult hood?”