Pizza Isn’t a Food Group and Other Things I Learned from the Super Smart People School

So for those of you who didn’t read last week’s post on my craft fail in relation to the toga here’s the sitch. We’ve recently moved to a new town where my Oldest was accepted into a charter school for Gifted and Talented Kids. I’d call it Nerd School but apparently they’re sensitive to that particular nickname. Don’t ask me why.

So Oldest is amongst people who have entered the teaching profession to help enhance the minds of bright young people. Unlike other school teachers who have signed on for the high pay rates, amazing benefits and luxurious working conditions of today’s public schools. Uh huh.

Anyway, I’ve noticed some slight differences between daughter’s old school menus and new school menus. At the old school they had Pizza. Here they have Chicken Caeser salad with spring vegetables. And while the other school was perfectly fine with the Twinkie I threw my daughter’s way each morning for her to have as her at school mid afternoon snack (and when did this whole lunch plus snack thing start anyway? When I was a kid you got breakfast at home, lunch and recess at school and then dinner after you’d dragged your skinny butt in from playing each night). Doritos were not frowned upon. But here? Here, Cheezits are an issue.

This week I get a phone call. “Um is this Mrs. Elmer? Ashley’s mom?” ‘

Gritting of teeth. “Yes this is Ainsley’s mom. What can I do for you.”

“This is Mrs. Administrative Assistant to the Super Smart People School. Her teacher asked that I call you and request that from now on you send nutritionally appropriate snacks for her to eat during snack time.”

“Cheezits aren’t nutritionally appropriate for snack time?”

“No Miss Eimer.”

“Actually it’s not Miss Eimer it’s, you know what never mind. What do you want me to send her if Cheezits won’t work?”

“You could consider sending nutritionally sound foods like cut vegetables or organic fruit.”

“For snack time? You want me to send her cut vegetables for snack time?”

“That would be nutritionally sound.”

“Could you clarify for me why you have snack time?”

“So that the kids don’t get hungry after lunch.”

“Right. Well if I send my kid a bunch of chopped up broccoli she’s going to find the ghetto scholarship kid in there and convince him or her to trade their Cheezits for her broccoli and a couple of bucks she will have desperately lifted from my purse.”


“Fine, fine, tomorrow I’ll send her some Jello Chocolate Pudding Snacks. They have added calcium.”

“I’m not sure that’s what the teacher had in mind. If you could—“

“Sorry I think I just heard the sounds of the coming Apocalypse. Since I’m a part time zombie slayer I think this is going to have to wait. Zombie Apocalypse and all. Don’t blink and remember your towel. ‘Kay?”

Hubby who has just stopped by our temporary apartment right next door to his office to have lunch with me and the Toddler: “I think you may be mixing your sci-fi Apocalypse metaphors.”

“Oh shut up. Did you know Cheezits and Pizza are no longer nutritionally sound food for children.”

“Really? Damn, how the hell did we manage to make it to functioning adult hood?”

13 thoughts on “Pizza Isn’t a Food Group and Other Things I Learned from the Super Smart People School

  1. It is truly amazing how we made it to adulthood. I mean, who knew playing in dirt could make you ill. Did you know that ‘Hair’ burns, this was breaking news on Channel 2! Good luck with the Zombie Apocalypse and did you know that eating brains can make you ill?

    • Yes brains are dangerous and can make you ill but they are so chock full of protein. And I would have told them anything to get that silliness off my phone so I could get back to work. ZOmbie Apocalypse, invading vampires from Mars, amorous werewolves. Hell I’d have even talked to a tax lawyer.

  2. That is hysterical!

    I have to say that I’m amazed every day when something happens at the school where my grandchildren go.

    Did you know that my 12 year old granddaughter doesn’t have time to go to the restroom between classes and the teachers refuse to give bathroom breaks? Now, you and I know why a young girl needs to go to the bathroom. What the heck is wrong with these schools.

    She told me that the bathroom closest to her classes is locked and they aren’t allowed to use it because the school says “drug” deals go down there. WTF?

    Did you know they count to three when the kids use the water fountain?

    ARGH! There are all sorts of things that totally tick me off and I know that if my kids were in school right now, I’d probably be doing jail time because I’d be fighting with the school board and the teachers all the time. I did it when my kids were in school and I want to go fight for my grandchildren now. It’s beyond aggravating the stuff these schools try to pull off–and actually succeed in doing. No one stands up to them at all.

    • We don’t have any of those problems at this school or at the one she went to before. Both of them are really quite good schools but it just amazes me how stuffy things have gotten with children now a days.

    • the food police is right. The rebellious part of my brain thought I should have sent boxes of chocolate twinkies with extra sugar to sprinkle on top for my daughter’s valentines day party today.

  3. OMG and today, there is no Valentine fun like I had in school.

    I had to take a food and nu class in college and the professor analyzed how a healthy pizza could be made.

    And I’d be lost without cake…or chocolate…or diet Coke…. LOL

    • They had a V-Day party today but they asked for healthy snacks to be served. I have no problem with good nutrition and healthy meals but the occasional cookie or slice of pizza has never killed someone. Unless of course it’s been poisoned or has botulism but that’s a whole different issue.

  4. Wow! Who would have thought that a food that has most (if not all) the food groups in it isn’t good for you? Dairy, fruit (if you count tomatoes as a fruit, lol), veggies, meat, and the top of the pyramid with the fatty sweets group. Seriously, pizza can be good for you if it’s made properly.

    Super smart people kind of suck, really.

  5. I have no sympathy for any of you. For over 20 years in Germany you couldn’t even send a cookie to school. The US is so far behind Europe when it comes to a healthy lifestyle it’s not even funny.

  6. Hey, my mom used to send Tastykakes in our school lunches and when my own boys were in school, I was always baking cupcakes and brownies for snacks. Times have changed, I guess.

    It is amazing we all survived! lol

  7. @Bart “Don’t worry it will get worse…” real wisdom

    Now wait pizza has tomatoes, garlic, cheese, whole grain ??? maybe

    very funny writing thanks for the food Nazis

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