Lemons or Chlorine? Aw Screw It I Can Take the Chlorine

So I’ve been spending a lot of time in the pool lately. And by a lot I mean a lot. Laps at the gym three times a week while I train for next year’s big triathlon and then we have a pool at the house. So I’m in the water constantly. So much that I may have started to form gills. Or that patch on each side of my neck is just really dry skin. Who knows? I’m kinda hoping for gills. Gills–like bowties– would be cool.

Anyway, as my pool time increases I’ve noticed something a bit odd. No matter what I always sort of have this faint odor of chlorine on me. Even right out of the shower, I still sort of smell like the pool. So one swimmer I know suggested a special shampoo and conditioner that gets the chlorine out and won’t turn my very dyed hair green. Great, now my hair smells like mint but the rest of me smells like a chemical locker. The hair it seems was only a small part of the problem. So next step—lemon scented soap. It worked a little. I no longer smelled like a chemical storage site. I smelled more like lemon Pledge. Not bad, but really not the way to make your hubby cuddle up beside you either. Next step? Shower with the lemon soap and then scrub down with straight lemon juice onto the skin.

Reaction? OMGIdon’tcarehowgoodIsmellmaketheburningstopdearGodmakeitstop. Apparently you’re not supposed to try this after shaving your legs. Now someone tells me. After I ended up huddled on the floor of the bathroom screaming like I’ve suddenly been sent to Guantanamo for attitude readjustment.

Once my legs were no longer on FIRE, I got up, got dressed, wiped my eyes, went down and got in the car, drove to the nearest supermarket and bought my husband nose plugs. It’s either that or he’s going to have to learn to have a Pavlovian snuggle response to Lemon Pledge because after 8 years of marriage love stops just before self mutilation.

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